The Call

Directed by Brad Anderson

Starring Halle Berry, Abigail Breslin, Michael Eklund

Review by Jordan

Tangled headphones, flat tyres, waiting in line, warm coffee, food stains, hiccups, pimples, losing the remote, pouring cereal into a bowl in the morning before realising there’s no milk, Dakota Fanning, hippies, sunburn, people that constantly talk with their mouth full, cricket, current affairs programs, bad haircuts, YouTube ads, B.O, melted chocolate and people that talk at the cinema. All annoying.

I would just like to point out that not all Jordan’s are as annoying as the one Halle ‘Guacamole’ Berry plays in this.

I know for a fact that people who work in emergency call centres are incredibly capable and level-headed, if I didn’t, after watching Brad Anderson’s The Call I’d call Pizza Hut Delivery for assistance if I were being kidnapped. Seriously, how many mistakes can a supposed ‘veteran’ make before being fired? I’ll state right now that if I’m in the boot of a car driven by a madman lying next to a shovel and a screw driver I do not want to be asked what my favourite movie is by the operator I’m on the phone to… I love movies, but at that point in time I’d like the idea of surviving and any advice as to how to do so a lot more. This is just one mistake that Jordan makes; others include calling the mobile phone of a girl hiding from an intruder under her bed (given this is at the start of the film it gets the frustration started nice and early), holding up the line EVERY DAY talking to some creep she has a soft spot for complete with “now you stay out of trouble,” screaming in the ‘Quiet Room’ (this bit almost annoyed me the most… I’m sure it’s called the quiet room for a reason) and going after the kidnapper/murderer herself because as it turns out in this most realistic of films the cops just aren’t good enough.

Can I just say, a weirdo kidnaps Abigail Breslin in the wide open in a multi-story car park, speeds along a busy freeway with her arm sticking out the trunk where the rear light used to be and where litres upon litres of paint is soon poured through, attacks and takes hostage a man in a car park just off said freeway and pours petrol all over the station attendant and sets him on fire (because this is a great idea at a petrol station) in the clear light of day and isn’t even spotted by the police helicopter surveying the area all this is taking place. I’m totally for finding jobs for the handicapped, but blind people just should not be police officers, and especially not helicopter pilots.

Have I spoiled this movie for the viewer? Perhaps, but there is no need to thank me. Brad Anderson has shown himself a real talent with Session 9 (2001), The Machinist (2004) and to a lesser extent Transsiberian (2008), but here has gone a long way to undoing all of his good work. I reached for the remote on several occasions to switch this off, knowing that I had episode 515 of One Piece waiting for me, but held strong with the hope that the ending would at least make the anger-inducing journey worthwhile. The ending, as it turns out, is the worst bit… and one of the most misjudged, ill-conceived and flat-out ridiculous third acts I have ever encountered.

If you have already seen this movie, stay strong, you’re not alone and there is help out there. If not, your fate is in your hands. The Call is one of the most manipulative, incompetent travesties I’ve seen for a long time. It wants to be Phone Booth meets Silence of the Lambs but winds up being a parody of itself devoid of any authenticity or the realism it so embarrassingly strives for.

1 Blonde Toupee out of 5