Borderlands blew away expectations in all the wrong ways
Piece by Eddie on 22/11/2024
If you’re a sucker for punishment, 2024 really has provided the goods when it came to options for bad films.
It’s certainly not to say there weren’t some great films this past 12 months, the likes of Dune 2, The Wild Robot, Civil War, The Road to Patagonia and the misunderstood Joker: Folie à Deux have all ensured that film fans have had enough to write home about, a fairly fortunate position to be in considering the issues that were prevalent in the industry in the latter stages of 2023, but when it comes to cinematic stinkers, boy did 2024 excel in that field.
With as many misses as you’d ever care to lay witness too, there’s a few shining examples of terribleness that stand out above the rest of the field, four epic examples of failures to launch that all had money and talent at their disposals to be so much more. The top-tier class of 2024 baddies that are Argyle, Madame Web, Borderlands and The Crow.
Each of these critically derided films that all caused their studios to suffer humiliating financial losses are films almost entirely devoid of anything you could consider decent with wasted money, performers, behind the scenes talent and misguided attempts at storytelling all prevalent throughout, with anyone that is bemoaning the lack of goodness in Hollywood right now given ample ammunition for their sentiments if they choose to pick these films as examples for their arguments.
With the end of the year coming quickly to a close it’s time to judge what is the worst film of the year in a year that is the best year for bad films in many a moon.
It had the budget and the cast but Argylle was a massive letdown
Box Office –
Argylle Budget = $200 Million
Argylle Worldwide Box-office = $96 Million
Madame Web Budget = $80 Million
Madame Web Box-office = $100.5 Million
Borderlands Budget = $110-$120 Million
Borderlands Box-office = $33 Million
The Crow Budget = $50 Million
The Crow Box-office = $24 Million
Critical Reception –
The cast of Madame Web look as concerned as viewers were when they saw the film
Argylle Rotten Tomatoes Score = 33%
Madame Web Rotten Tomatoes Score = 11%
Borderlands Rotten Tomatoes Score = 10%
The Crow Rotten Tomatoes Score = 22%
Audience Score –
The Crow reimagining was far worse than we feared
Argylle IMDB Score = 5.6
Madame Web Score = 4
Borderlands Score = 4.6
The Crow Score = 4.7
These insights and factors all paint a fairly non-rosy picture of films that failed to appease professional or general movie-going pundits and showcase an extremely concerning pattern by major Hollywood studios that appear to be out of touch with their audiences in major ways, causing a multitude of different problems and far from ideal outcomes.
While Matthew Vaughan’s misguided original effort Argylle at least tried to do its own unique take on the James Bond/The Kingsman world of spies and espionage each of Madame Web, Borderlands and The Crow were all horrific attempts at adapting and bringing to life well-known properties, seemingly shunning the factors that made the original properties so well-liked while also offending those that show affiliation with the material at the same time, a double-edge sword that is a cinematic sin of the highest order.
To pick the crowning winner of the cream of the crop of 2024 “bad” class is no easy decision, for me it comes down to what truly is the most irredeemably non-entertaining film and the one that wastes the most amount of talent, budget and potential, when concentrating on these factors, the decision becomes that little bit more obvious.
Run….run as fast as you can from Madame Web!
Argylle does an incredible amount wrong, most notably squandering a game Sam Rockwell supporting turn and fails in its set pieces but at least it tries to be an original offering in an otherwise rather stale sub-genre.
The Crow is a bland, boring and poorly written adaptation that no one wanted and no one will remember, so uninspired that its hard to recall why you even hated it in the first place.
The derided Madame Web really is The Room levels of cringe-bad, so hilarious in its awfulness, there’s actually a lot fun to be had from watching out for all the product placements, bad ADR moments and a lead turn from Dakota Johnson that screams she knew the turkey she had signed on for, making this a cult-favourite in the years to come.
With all this being said it leaves us with the last of the bunch, Eli Roth’s career killing Borderlands.
A film plagued with production problems no one will ever know the full extent of, this handsomely funded video game adaptation is an impossibly bad attempt at a Guardians of the Galaxy like space spanning adventure that is devoid of spark, imagination, competency and care, creating a grating and entirely unwatchable experience that needs to be seen to be believed.
Eli Roth plumbed new depths with his atrocious Borderlands adaptation
It’s not exactly like Roth has been a deliverer of masterclass worthy cinema but even for a director responsible for Knock Knock and The Green Inferno, Borderlands is a huge step-down and while it appears as though he walked away from the film long before the final shot was in the can, one really can’t see how anyone could ever justify giving Roth the keys to the kingdom again when he next wants to be given access to big money and big casts.
An embarrassing and unjustifiable production for anyone involved to be a part of, Borderlands is the very definition of ‘bad cinema’ in all facets both small and large.
And the winner (loser?) is – Borderlands.
With 2024 soon to wrap, here’s hoping 2025 is more of a great year for good movies.
With Kraven the Hunter still waiting in the wings to close out this year, 2025 really can’t come soon enough.
Jordan and Eddie (The Movie Guys) 
I finally watched Madam
Web on the plane and a few days later Borderlands and perhaps because I was prepared to be underwhelmed I didn’t hate the experience.
Both have cringe moments (especially Madam) and plenty questionable choices, but I appreciate the production value and VFX. Acting is passable by supporting cast. Blanchett carries the movie and others are ok. Screenplay is a mess, but I could follow it knowing the games well. There’s so many cinematic games out there and this is the last one I would have picked for movie adaptation.
Madam is a bigger mess for me because it has in interesting idea but the execution is confusing, editing often makes no sense and dialogues feel like written by a teenager. Acting is awkward, direction is disjointed… in both cases there’s a decent movie under all the crap they shoveled over it. Below the line work was well done and that’s why I can’t completely dismiss both of them.
I can’t deal with both of those films to be honest. Madame Web though I at least found entertaining in its terribleness but Borderlands was just depressing.
E
Fortunately I managed to avoid those calamities. I have no such bad movie in mind. I can only tell that “Furiosa” was a big disappointment.
Furiosa was very disappointing overall. I think people answered with their wallets with its dismal box office haul.
I do recommend at least watching Madame Web one day for a good laugh!
E