Title – Mortdecai (2015)
Director – David Koepp (Stir of Echoes)
Cast – Johnny Depp, Gwyneth Paltrow, Ewan McGregor, Paul Bettany, Olivia Mann, Jeff Goldblum
Plot – Art dealer and part time detective Charlie Mortdecai (Depp) with the help of his trusty sidekick Jock (Bettany) must track down a mysterious stolen painting that will hopefully solve his crumbling marriage to his beloved moustache hating wife Johanna (Paltrow).
“I will have you know that I am not an alcoholic. I am a drunk, and there is a vast difference”
Review by Eddie on 25/06/2015
I don’t often like to keep ongoing tallies in movies as I watch them, it seems like a little bit of a ‘naff” thing to do, but with Mortdecai I couldn’t help but keep a tally as it wasn’t a hard one to keep track of. The grand total of the times I laughed during David Koepp’s Pink Panther wannabe was – 0. Yes a big fat 0. A very sad tally for a so called comedy.
A critical and box office failure, every bad thing you’ve heard about Mortdecai is horrifically true, and if anything, some have been too kind to a film that completely fails to achieve anything it sets out to do, although one would question what anyone is doing here in the first place other than the fact the pay must have been too good to refuse.
A screenwriter of some renown and a director whose shown promise before with efforts like Secret Window and harmless popcorn munchers like Premium Rush, Koepp may find himself blacklisted from future productions with Mortdecai being an immaturely written, dreadfully unoriginal and downright offensively unintelligent piece of writing and directing. I’m sure I speak for everyone in saying that there’s nothing wrong with harmless fun or movies made to low common denominators but Mortdecai is surely playing a joke on all of us with its hijinks and it also marks a career low for many involved, finger pointed squarely at Johnny Depp when saying this.
Filled with cringe worthy moments and scenes that suggest the cast must’ve surely known what a turkey they were partaking in, this is without doubt 2015’s worst big screen ensemble. Depp has been falling for years now but his moustached art detective Charlie Mortdecai is an incredibly annoying and unlikeable creation. Depp’s fascination with playing things over the top has worked before but if there was ever an actor in need of some normality it’s him, this turn is almost as bad as his atrocious cameo in Kevin Smith’s Tusk, which for those who have not seen it, is no mean feat. Depp’s only foreseeable win is in the upcoming Black Mass, if that in turn fails, Depp is likely to become one of the greatest fall from grace stories in some time. Other’s in the picture like Ewan McGregor and Paul Bettany just look embarrassed, and not without reason, while the ever bland Gwyneth Paltrow surely won’t be showing this effort to her Apple or Moses in the future.
There are things worse than Mortedcai, but not a whole lot. While watching this film, the laugh tally stuck at zero, my mind wondered to what could be worse than enduring this charisma free, charmless affair and when the thought of being detained in Guantanamo Bay, being slowly nibbled to death by a large rat or heck, watching Paul Blart and it’s sequel back to back is more appealing than what lays before you, the true horrors of Mortedcai become all too apparent. This is so far the worst film of 2015 and it would take some serious beating to have its mantle taken away. Congratulations to all involved then.
0 dry reaches out of 5